the unexpected good
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a blog for Christian women about

discovering joy

in the challenges of singleness,
marriage, motherhood, chronic illness,
​and every day faith

How to Confront Lovingly

12/29/2014

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As I shared in "How to Receive Criticism Graciously," conflict is something that many women find intensely uncomfortable and difficult to handle. In a discussion with several ladies, I heard the same fears expressed by multiple women.

"How do you tell someone that they're wrong?" one woman asked. "I always worry that it's going to hurt the relationship."

"I hate confrontation," another woman shared. "Even the word 'confrontation' bothers me. It seems harsh and unkind."

Fortunately, there are ways to approach confrontation that can be effective and even strengthening to a relationship. Here are a few ideas:


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How to Receive Criticism Graciously

12/28/2014

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Recently, a group of ladies and I got into a discussion about conflict and confrontation. Several of the women expressed their extreme discomfort with any kind of conflict.

"I just break down and cry," one shared. "I don't know how to handle negativity."

We women struggle with two main areas of potential conflict:

  1. Receiving criticism, or
  2. Giving it.

Fortunately, there are ways to receive criticism graciously and to confront others lovingly. Today, I'd like to focus on the first area: How to receive criticism without letting it spoil your day.


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Evangelism (for the non-evangelist)

12/26/2014

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“Pastor,” I said. “There’s someone in my life that I want to witness to. How do I start the conversation?”

“Hmm,” my pastor thought. “How about you ask, ‘How do you get to heaven?’ and see where it goes.”

When I next saw my intended “victim,” I asked the question. The other person shrugged and blushed, I delivered the gospel in two minutes, and the conversation died there. No response. I finished tongue-tied, wondering how I could have invited more real interaction. I felt like such a failure.
Many years have passed since that awkward attempt, and I’ve learned a few things along the way. Here they are:

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The Impact of the Father Daughter Relationship

12/23/2014

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In one of the autobiographical stories by Scottish veterinarian James Herriot, he describes how he courted a beautiful young woman named Helen. Jim was impressed with Helen’s kindness toward her aging and lonely father, whose wife had died some years before. Jim then reminded his young male readers that, when they consider a woman for marriage, they should take a passing glance at how she treats her father, because that is how the woman will treat her husband someday. Jim’s instincts were right, because the kindness, respect, and skill that Helen had given to her father were brought into her marriage with Jim.


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Single with a Plan

12/19/2014

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If you are single, do you have a plan for your life?

Let me explain what I mean.

Most women have a plan that includes marriage. This is not wrong; this is good! God made Eve, the first woman, to be a helper suitable for Adam, her husband. In other words, woman was made for man, so it is natural that women since Eve have desired to be wives. 

The struggle of the modern woman is that the fulfillment of this desire is often delayed. 

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Living In The Present

12/16/2014

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A story tells how an old woman gave a young man a ball of string. If he pulled the string, she told him, he could fast-forward his life. 

At first, he pulled the string just a little, to skip chores he disliked and get to the "good parts" of his life. But as he grew older, he began to skip larger and larger portions of his life, seeking for the next exciting thing. 

When he reached the end of his life, he was filled with regret for all the moments that he had skimmed over in his search for something better.

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Offering Imperfect Gifts

12/12/2014

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I am a perfectionist. And, as a perfectionist, I often fall into the trap of believing that what I do or what I give must be perfect--or very close to perfect--before it is of any value. 

If I give of my time to someone, I want to be able to give a lot of it; what good is a half-hour? 

If I write a book or a story or a blog post or a poem, I want every word to be in place before I share it; what can someone gain from an imperfect thought? 

If I write a letter, it must be an "epic tome"; who would be encouraged by a short note? 


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5 ways to Minister to a Woman Who Has Had a Miscarriage

12/6/2014

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Many people feel awkward when they learn that a friend has had a miscarriage. How should they respond? What should they say? How do they balance between acknowledging the loss and giving encouragement and hope for the future? What is the emotional impact of losing a child that she never even felt or saw? Is this something that is over with quickly, or something that hurts forever?

For those who want to help, but don't know what to do, here are some insights and suggestions.


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How to Keep Physical Boundaries

12/5/2014

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In the last post, "Why Physical Boundaries Matter," I explained why those physical boundaries should be an important part of a woman's relationship with a man. Now we get to the nitty-gritty: Why do so many good intentions regarding physical boundaries fail? I believe it is because we make three main mistakes when setting those boundaries.

Boundaries must be specific.

"I think it would be sweet to save my first kiss for when I get married," a young woman once told me. "But I don't know what will happen."

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Why Physical Boundaries Matter

12/2/2014

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There are three good reasons why physical boundaries matter in a relationship, and three reasons why many peoples' attempts to keep physical boundaries don't work.

Physical boundaries offer a gift to you and your spouse.

How many girls marry their first boyfriend? I don't have an exact statistic, but I don't need it in order to tell you what you already know. The number is very, very small.

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    Meet Yaasha

    None of my life has gone the way it was "supposed to go," but I don't love my life any less because of the hardships and new directions. I see so much unexpected good in it, and I want others to see the good in theirs.

    Learn more about me here.


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