Why Physical Boundaries Matter

There are three good reasons why physical boundaries matter in a relationship, and three reasons why many peoples' attempts to keep physical boundaries don't work.

Physical boundaries offer a gift to you and your spouse.

How many girls marry their first boyfriend? I don't have an exact statistic, but I don't need it in order to tell you what you already know. The number is very, very small.

Now suppose some person compiled a video of all your contact with every guy that you dated or were in a relationship with. When you finally get engaged to Joe, would you like Joe to view that video? My guess is no. Conversely, considering the level of contact you and Joe have had, how would you feel about Joe having had that same level of contact with other girls in his past?

No matter how much we try to view physical contact as "no big deal," we know, deep down, that it is a big deal. Touch that you might feel is innocent might become uncomfortable when you consider your husband having had that contact with a woman besides you. So the first step to defining physical boundaries is: Be honest with yourself.

PHysical boundaries demand respect.

Many have said, "If you want to know that a guy will respect you, give him boundaries." 

This is true. A man might bully or a man might make declarations of love, but if the intent is to get you to lower your standards, he's the wrong guy for you. The man who is worthwhile is the man who appreciates a woman with standards, and who has the integrity to stick to them. He is also the man who conducts himself by a strong code of standards, and is the leader in making sure that contact is appropriate and God-honoring.

PHysical boundaries are encouraged in the BIble.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

The word translated for "touch" in this passage is a word that means "to fasten to" or "to kindle." It is used in many contexts, like Jesus' healing touch upon the ill and like abstaining from touching unclean things. Think about how these things might influence the discussion of physical touch between men and women.

So why don't physical boundaries work for everybody?

Not everyone who makes a purity pledge keeps it. And many women with good intentions find that their boundaries get pushed sometimes. So what are the common traps that keep these good intentions from being kept?

Read the rest of the discussion in my next post!