Why We Women Should Pray For Our Men

These last few months, I have become increasingly aware of a desperate need: We ladies need to pray for men.

I don’t mean that we single ladies need to pray for our future husbands. Sheesh, we’ve been doing that for a long time! I mean that we need to pray for men in general, for God to equip warriors, husbands, and fathers among the community and in the church.

Let me share an astonishing statistic with you. According to statistics cited in “The Quest for Authentic Manhood” curriculum:

This statistic just underlines what I’ve suspected for a long time: that the man is the single most influential factor in his family’s spiritual and emotional health. A godly father or husband is irreplaceable in family life, and a godly single man has a value amongst his friends, co-workers, and observers that he can’t begin to quantify.

God created men to be leaders, caretakers, and protectors. Whether or not a man does a good job doesn’t change the fact that he will be called to give an account of his leadership, and his care and protection of others. And right now, I’m not the only woman observing how many men struggle to fulfill that calling. This is a real war for them.

In my observation:

• Many men do not have strong, godly, involved male role models in their lives. They are trying to figure it out on their own.
• Many men are loners. They distrust others and avoid forming strong bonds with each other, so they miss the benefit of iron sharpening iron.
• Many men struggle to balance authority with servanthood. Natural leadership often leads to insensitivity, and natural gentleness often leads to passivity.
• Many young men are not sober-minded. They extend adolescence well into their twenties (or beyond) and fail to plan for their futures in the areas of finance, skill, and character.
• Many men are not prepared to be spiritual leaders of their own families. They don’t study the Word diligently or discuss Scripture with like-minded men.

There’s more, but you get my point. The culture teaches us that men are out of touch, lazy, self-centered, clueless, and crude, and a lot of men fall for the lie and behave according to those expectations. Only a very few really ask, “What is a real man?”

Ask the men in your life to define manhood. One source I encountered defined manhood this way: A true man…

• Accepts responsibility
• Rejects passivity
• Leads courageously
• Expects a greater reward (God’s reward)

How many men do you know fit this description?

Now, I know that we ladies have our own failings, and I’m far more familiar when them than I am with man’s failings. I’ll probably write a post about that too. But for now, I just want to shake the ladies of my acquaintance into a new understanding.

I know in your heart of hearts, you long for the same thing I do. You want the men in your life to know the truth, to believe it, and to act upon it. To lead you courageously. To build you up, not tear you down. To model integrity to the younger generation. To show you how to suffer well and how to praise more. To persevere, speak with kindness, and share wisdom. To behave with honor and treat others with dignity.

And I see men who are capable of all of that. They just don’t know it. Sometimes it feels that I have spiritual X-ray vision, because I can literally see it in the men all around me, even in the most seemingly hopeless cases: I can see the seed of manhood ready to sprout and grow into the mighty tree it was meant to be.

We can do something about this. Here is how:

Pray for him.

If you have a father, brother, husband, son, or friend, he needs your prayers. In the Bible, Hannah prayed for her son Samuel, and God heard her prayers and answered them in a powerful way. He is the same God today.

Don’t just pray that God will change this or that about the man. Pray that God will make that man become who he was meant to be, whatever that looks like. Maybe it’s not what you expected, but it is what is right.

Don’t give up when the prayers seem to go unanswered. Do you truly care about this man? Then persevere for his sake. If you want a man who won’t give up on you, you must be the woman who won’t give up on him. You don’t know what God is working invisibly in the background while you are praying. 

Encourage him.

Don’t lecture him on who he needs to be or try to manipulate him into the mold you wish for him. Just tell him who you know he can be. “You don’t realize what I see in you. You are capable of being a hero, and I will support you 110% as you become more like that man every day.” If you were told something similar: “You are a beautiful woman and you don’t know it. I am dedicated to showing you how beautiful you are every day,” could you really ignore that?

How do you bring out his inner hero? Here are some ideas.

They especially apply to men in your household (father, husband, brother) and are not as well suited to men outside your family, with whom a wise woman is more reserved.

• Reinforce with positivity. What do you appreciate about him? Make a habit of showing your appreciation periodically.
• Trust his judgment. Even when you know he’s wrong. If he crashes and burns, don’t say, “I told you so.” He already knows it. Just let him know that you still love him and will still follow his lead.
• Defer to him, especially if he struggles to lead. Show that you are willing to follow and that you respect his leadership by seeking his opinion and elevating his preferences above your own.
• Tell others only the positive things about him. I know it’s a huge temptation to tell others of your struggles in your relationship with him, but this undermines his reputation, which is very important to him. All the positivity in the home won’t make up for the fact that he feels you are tearing down his respect outside the home. Let him hear only good things about himself through the grapevine.
• Confront respectfully. Accountability is important. When you confront him, do so respectfully, in a way that simultaneously acknowledges what he is already doing right and that reinforces that his faults are damaging his ability to be the hero he wants to be. Done right, this allows him to see the ways in which he is sabotaging himself, not just irritating you, and that you care about his well-being.

Ladies, please join me in lifting up the men in our community and particularly in our own families. Men need encouragement and the power of the Holy Spirit behind their efforts to be Christ-like, and we can play a part in strengthening them for that role, if we do not grow weary in well-doing. Pray for yourself, that the Lord will show you how to be the best support and encouragement that you can be. I believe He will answer our prayers.