The Value of the Single Woman

Today I want to speak to the single Christian women about something that you have perhaps questioned at times: your value.

If asked, every single young woman would confirm vehemently that she knows that she is valuable before God. But in her heart of hearts, as all her friends marry and begin families, she struggles to feel that this is true.

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The Lies
Partially, this is because of how people respond to her. It is customary for people to ask the single woman if there is a man in her life. If there is not, the response ranges from “We have to do something about your lack of a suitor!” or “Well, I’m sure God has someone for you"--responses that assume she should be married someday.

Furthermore, media constantly bombards single women with the message that they need to find “true love.” Have you ever watched a movie about a single woman who did not find a romantic interest by the end of the story? A single guy might be able to just bulldoze his way through an action flick, or get entangled in some tale of espionage, but a woman? If she’s in the story, it’s because romance is involved somehow.

Finally, there is the single woman’s own desires. God made Eve to be Adam’s helper, and told her that her desire would be toward her husband (Genesis 3:16). Ever since then, women throughout the centuries have longed for husbands and families of their own. Often, the most dedicated career women regret pursuing careers at the expense of their families. Deep down, women know that they were originally intended to be wives. This doesn’t mean that every woman marries, but that the vast majority of women feel a powerful tug toward matrimony and homes of their own.

Questioning the Single Woman's Value
When married people are honored at events and by holidays, when their love stories are held up as examples of the success God brings to those who wait on His timing, single women often struggle. 

Is singlehood honored by events or holidays? 

What success does a single woman exemplify? 

Throughout society, the value of singleness is either directly questioned, or cheapened by its contrast to the alleged glories of romance. The single woman begins to hear a distorted message: “You are missing something.”

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The Truth
I know this feeling. I’ve lived with it for years. Even though I am convinced of my individual worth before God, I still feel the seduction of the lie. Some days are filled with contentment and peace, and some days are a real struggle. So don’t think I’m being glib and super-spiritual when I talk about the value of the single woman. I’m simply sharing the truth of which I remind myself every day.

And this is the truth: You are not missing anything.

You are excluded from nothing that is ultimately good and beautiful and fulfilling.

You are not in an intermediary stage between childhood and marriage, any more than the purpose of your 19th year of life is to get you from 18 to 20.

You are not waiting to fulfill your purpose; you are already facing your purpose.

Your life will not begin once you get married; your life has already started.

God is withholding nothing from you, any more than He withholds brown hair from some women and blonde hair from others. He has simply made you unique and special. Why should your life be like someone else’s?

Your Value
I know you desire to be valued and loved by that special someone. But please realize that you are already valued and loved by so many.

When I felt valueless, God reminded me of my value. When the elderly woman at church saw me approach, she lit up with expectation. When I helped my parents, their body language communicated their appreciation of me. When I spent time with my siblings, their joy in sharing stories with me demonstrated how much they valued my care for them. When I texted a friend, her response showed genuine excitement that I took the time to remember her. When I did some job well at work, my co-workers’ response showed respect.

Perhaps not all aspects of your situation are so rosy (mine aren’t either, but I’m dwelling on the positives). Still, I challenge you: To whom are you valuable? By whom are you loved? Don’t take for granted the role that you play in these lives.


Live in the confidence of knowing that your God valued your life and happiness above His own (Romans 5:8, 2 Corinthians 8:9), and has placed you with others who genuinely value you—whether you are married or not.

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