I was recently sharing coffee with two lovely ladies, one of whom was single, and she mentioned that she had found herself unexpectedly sharing relationship advice with a friend whose marriage was struggling. "I don't know why I feel I was qualified to share my opinion on what she should do. I've never even been on a date!"
Yet, when the other (married) woman and I heard what this single woman had given as advice to her married friend, we both agreed that her insight was Biblically and practically sound.
The sad part is, society says--and so many single women believe--that singles are "unqualified" to give relationship advice to their attached or married friends.
I utterly reject this lie. Here's why.
When I published Ready For Him Today in 2013, my greatest readership was not, as I expected, single young women, but curious older married women. Several times, one of these women asked me, "How did you become so wise? If I had known these truths when I was dating and choosing a spouse, things might have been different for me."
The short answer: I am not wise. My God is wise. Anyone--married or single--who reads His Word and observes real-life relationships through spiritual glasses will begin to see patterns.
Note: Should you feel curious about Ready For Him Today, you should know some of my ideas have developed a bit since I published that book. The core is still the same, but if you read it and want to discuss the finer details, I'd be delighted to have a conversation with you!
Do you want to know the two people who had the most to say about marriage in the New Testament? Jesus and Paul. Guess what? Neither one were married. Yes, one was God in the flesh and the other was an apostle. But the same Spirit of God that rested upon Christ and that empowered and inspired Paul is the exact same Spirit that resides inside each true believer.
Some of the most insightful relationship advice and observations have come from--you guessed it--singles. I just read a fantastic article by Louis Phillip (How Should Christians Have Sex?), followed by a killer first chapter from Sam Allberry's book "7 Myths About Singleness." Go read the article. It's so worthwhile for both spouses and singles. And--you guessed it--both authors are SINGLE.
As a single, I could tell you when a particular friend's relationship would last and when it wouldn't. I didn't need to be married to know. I just needed to apply Scripture and common sense to the situation.
Now, as a married woman, if a single friend of mine has something to say about my relationship to my husband and how it can improve, I want to know. I value her insight and her courage to speak. I am aware that sometimes I am so in the thick of things that I may not see obvious connections. An outside perspective is often vital to my marriage's growth.
If you are a single woman, don't let anyone make you feel unqualified to speak into other people's relationships. They need your honest and caring perspective. They need Scripture's application to their lives. They need you. Don't chain your friendships, stunt your right to build the body of Christ, or despise the wisdom that God gives you, just because you're single.
Marriage, as instituted by God, is under attack in today's culture. It is not simply the job of married people to defend, protect, and strengthen marriages within the Body of Christ. It is the cause and battle of the singles as well.
Singles, fight for your friends' marriages, in word and in prayer. Fight for the purity of the gospel as portrayed between husbands and wives. Fight for the truth and freedom of God's design for relationships.
We--your married sisters--desperately need you and the gifts that God has given you.
None of my life has gone the way it was "supposed to go," but I don't love my life any less because of the hardships and new directions. I see so much unexpected good in it, and I want others to see the good in theirs.