This year I've really put effort into knowing the people in my church better. We've been going to this church for at least 8 years, but last year I realized I don't know people there very well. The distance to the church (and most of the attendees' homes) is a major hurdle for me, especially since travel is one of my triggers.
Despite the difficulties in deepening relationships, I've been persistent, and as I get to know the church women better, I've realized something important: Everyone is in pain.
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Recently, a friend and I were reading through a book entitled Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges, and we were both struck by the same passage. I don't have the book right in front of me, or I would quote it for you, but here's the basic idea: When I sin and then repent of it, God does not put me in some different category in which I must serve a penance before I can be fit for His work. When I am righteous, that does not entitle me to greater blessings nor make me necessarily more "fit" for God's work. Let me explain. My Bargain With GodWhen I realized that my singleness was going to last years longer than I anticipated, I made a bargain with God. “For as long as I am single, I desire only this: Let my singleness be more productive and glorifying to You than if I were married. Only let me marry when my marriage will serve You better.” It sounded spiritual, but it was really a cry of desperation. If I can’t be married and fulfill my greatest desire, I want to know that my singleness is worth something. I’m so terrified of wasting my life.
“You know, despite everything that’s happened, I still really love my life.” These words came from a woman with whom I had just spent several hours discussing some intense situations in her life, situations that trigger thoughts like, “How did the world get so messed up?” and responses like “I don’t know what to do but pray for you.” I knew far too well that she struggled with deep emotional pain, but she knew to Whom she could go to find healing and rest. And somewhere, in the midst of all the chaos, she still loved her life.
I never realized until a few years ago just what an astonishing man my father is. Many men would be intimidated by having a daughter, but my father jumped in with both feet. Looking back now, I realize that he gave me so many gifts. These are just a few:
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Meet YaashaNone of my life has gone the way it was "supposed to go," but I don't love my life any less because of the hardships and new directions. I see so much unexpected good in it, and I want others to see the good in theirs. Archives
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