Lessons Learned Through Pain

My illness was one of the best gifts God ever gave to me.

Of course, I didn't see it that way at first, nor for a long time. Even if you consider yourself fairly healthy, take a moment to review my journey with me. I'd be willing to bet that what I have gone through is not so different from a number of things that you have experienced. And what I have learned--maybe they're things that you are learning too, in your own way.

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The signs of illness began when I was a young teenager.

I was always tired, but I was a perfectionist and an over-achiever, and fatigue was just not something that I allowed to influence my schedule. I also tended to get sick randomly with nausea, dizziness, disorientation, and confusion.

Furthermore, I had chronic stomach issues. I woke up every morning with a bloated, painful belly (and other things I won't mention), and every so often, I spent an entire night vomiting for no apparent reason, crawling with flashes of heat and cold.

I was so used to this lifestyle that I thought it was normal until I was about 18 or 19. Then it came to my attention that most people did not live this way. So I set out to find answers. Thus followed a long string of visits with various specialists and test after test. Still, no diagnosis.

As my adult duties became more consuming, my health declined. More symptoms joined the first few: deep, aching pain that targeted joints, muscle, and bone; prickling, stabbing nerve pain all over my skin; hypersensitivity to sound, light, and touch; weakness and extreme fatigue.

My family watched my decline and finally forced me to see what I had deliberately ignored. I withdrew from several activities and obligations, and turned down many opportunities. Initially, I spent a lot of days in bed or at home. Even now, if I travel or work one day, I need one to three days to recover at home, or I face difficult consequences. The symptoms also come and go. Some days I am perfectly normal. Other days, I am quite sick.

So what have I learned from my illness? 

I would need many more posts to enumerate all the ways in which I have grown through these last few years (and I will likely write them!), but here are three of the most profound lessons.

• Compassion: When you know a little bit of suffering or pain (and I know many, many people have suffered far more than I have), you begin to recognize the signs of suffering in others. God often teaches some of His most profound lessons of love through pain, and it was certainly so for me. Before my sickness reached the point of interrupting my life, I had the will to be compassionate, but not the understanding. Now, I truly, deeply care, not simply about those with painful bodies, but also those with scarred emotions, broken spirits, and troubled minds. The depth of genuine love that I now feel for others is something I never could have imagined in the past.
• Gratitude: For years, I took for granted many abilities and opportunities. Accepting my weakness was extremely difficult, and I still have days of self-pity. But, more often now, I am filled with profound thankfulness. I never used to thank God when I could walk--or even run--up a flight of stairs, drive my car myself, work a whole day without needing a nap or pain medication, or enjoy social activities. Now I do. I thank Him for the ability to see, for a pain-free day, for my supportive family, for a sparkling frosty morning--little things and great things alike. All things are gifts when you become aware of their transience, and of the goodness of the God who gives them.
• Quiet: We live in a fast-paced society, and, by nature, I am a very energetic person. My childhood and teenage years revealed that I talked too much, I was impetuous, I made assumptions and formed prejudices, and I drove myself (and others) relentlessly. Today, there are days when even talking is tiring, and I have no energy to make quick choices or live a fast lifestyle. At first, this devastated me. I felt like a failure. I felt worthless. Now, I see that I ignored many needs and many people because I wouldn't slow down enough for them. I relish the rewards of things that can be wrought only through long, patient labor. What immense treasures I would have missed if I had never been forced to slow down!

Maybe physical illness is not the "pain" that God has brought you. Maybe your pain and your struggle is of another kind. What lessons have you learned through your journey? What lessons are you still learning? 

What has made your pain so valuable that you would say:  "___________ is one of the greatest gifts God has given me"?

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.